Ignoring Pain: Why Avoidance Never Brings Peace
When we first sense the need for change, fear rises. And often, rather than facing that fear, our survival instincts kick in and lead us into a second phase: ignoring pain.
This avoidance isn’t weakness, it’s simply survival. Many of us learned early on that ignoring our needs kept us safer. Maybe speaking up led to punishment. Maybe showing emotion was dismissed. Maybe asking for help was met with silence. Over time, our nervous systems adapted: ignore what hurts, and maybe it will go away.
The False Comfort of Avoidance
At first, ignoring pain can feel like relief. If we silence the discomfort long enough, maybe it won’t control us. Maybe if we bury it deep enough, we’ll finally get to live in peace.
But the truth is, ignored pain never disappears. It simply finds new places to show itself… Our moods, our energy, our relationships, our health. We think we’ve contained it, but really we’ve only reshaped our lives around it.
The Cost of Suppression
The longer we avoid, the more unstable life feels. We may notice irritability we can’t explain, disconnection from others, or a constant background tension in our bodies. Eventually, the pressure builds until life forces a reckoning, often through rupture. That rupture may look like relationships falling apart, a breakdown at work, or physical health issues demanding attention.
Ignoring pain doesn’t protect us. It prolongs our suffering.
The Teeter-Totter of Survival and Truth
When we live in survival mode, ignoring pain feels like the only option. But as we begin to heal, something shifts. We become aware of the teeter-totter… on one side, avoidance; on the other, truth.
At first, survival mode keeps us weighted to one side, avoidance. But as we grow, we start to walk the plank, wobbling between comfort and honesty. It’s a delicate balance, and our nervous system often pulls us back toward the familiar. But the longer we practice listening to our pain instead of silencing it, the steadier we become in choosing truth.
Why Facing Pain Matters
Pain is information. When we finally stop ignoring it, we can:
Name it clearly (What am I actually feeling?)
Understand its root (Where is this coming from?)
Choose a response (What action honors me right now?)
Ignoring pain only multiplies it. Facing pain begins to resolve it.
💡 Reflection Prompt for Your Week: Think of one area in your life where you’ve been avoiding discomfort. What’s the story you’ve been telling yourself to justify ignoring it? Write it down. Then, write a second line: What is the truth I haven’t been willing to face?
Facing our pain head on isn’t easy, but it’s what will allow us to find answers, to reach resolution, to find peace, and to finally live an honest and conscious life.
If This Resonated
If this spoke to you on any level, you can dive deeper with me in the following ways:
Sending you peace, calm, and clarity,
~ Austen 🫶🏼
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